I had to return, though it steals away my life,
to find so little i remember
From days of early childhood
Before i ever thought of time,
building snowmen in the winter
I never wanted more
than all the diamonds in the world
Perhaps not even that much
I find it hard to say,
I’m finding so few words
That tell the fear of being lost
and not being looked for
Like a blurry morning, putting colours into place
until the room is as it was before
But nothing is familiar
I don't recognize a face
Every monument seems foreign
It's a lovely autumn, where the trees all turn to red
and the leaves fall to the ground below
Still this could be Bristol
It's clearly someone else's field
It's far too late to wait for seeds to grow
I never wanted more
than to reflect an honest smile
But that's just chasing rainbows
I find it hard to sleep with nothing left to keep
and nothing more to give away and less to return to
I cursed at the first day
When as a child i swore I'd stay forever
Sitting by the old house
under clouds and falling rain
Hoping for a change of atmosphere
I wish I'd never left here
Sometimes I wish I'd not been born
I often wish I had a home somewhere
credits
from A Charcoal Night,
released December 14, 2017
Written by Jeff MacKey
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